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"Not guilty, one hundred percent I am," a disheveled Yoda said at
his arraignment hearing following the slow-speed pursuit that crossed over much
Yoda, who is suspected in the shooting of convenience store clerk Mosh
Anditovu, led Coruscant Police in a now-infamous "White Bantha" chase
as they arrived to question him further. Yoda maintains that he was only heading
to the nearest cantina "for a pint of McGuinness" but had no idea
he was being chased. "In the shop, my own transport is," he said at
the hearing. "Borrow Master Windu's, I did. Hard to see over, the dashboard
That argument did not sway the grand jury, in part because of the substance
paraphanelia that was also found on Yoda's person following his arrest. "He's
loaded with gimer," said a police spokesbeing. "We think he's been
chewing on the stuff for some time. It's been on the controlled list for centuries.
Just because he's some bigshot Jedi doesn't mean he can get away with flaunting
the law." When the evidence was brought up at the arraignment Yoda provided
an alibi: "for medicinal purposes, it is!"
District judicial droid IT-0 has been assigned the duty of administering
Yoda's trial, which is expected to last several days.
Meanwhile, a legal "dream team" headed up by J'onzee Cokrax,
Flea Beeblebrox, Bors Shapiron and Dershwyzlrmsnquertz has been put together
by the Jedi Council to defend their most visible and beloved icon. At the Temple's
gift shop, where Yoda's visage adorns considerable merchandise, it's hard NOT
to see the impact that a "guilty" verdict would have.
The trial begins later this week...
Filed By Mott Dug
Reports are moved when circumstances warrant
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(c)DUG'S REPORT 1138