HOWARD: Don't you give the "S" word on the air!!
MARK: Now wait a second, Howard! Before you go on about this, the Globe contacted my agent. It's a tabloid newspaper, and I don't DO interviews with the tabloids--I ignored it, and that was the payback I got! That's totally made up. They put quotes in the re..
HOWARD: I believe it though..!
MARK:..and they never spoke to me!
ROBIN: But isn't that the move? You give the interview then deny it?
MARK: No, it's NOT the move...
HOWARD: Oh yes it is!
MARK: ..I didn't give the interview! Let me tell you something; the last time I was on your show, I was plugging "WING COMMANDER 3". I have a piece of that--it did 100 million! I don't NEED "STAR WARS"!
HOWARD: You're kidding me!
ROBIN: "WING COMMANDER" did 100 million?
MARK: You bet! It had a 12 million dollar opening day..
MARK:..if it were a feature film it would have been in the top 10 grossing films of the year, and "WING COMMANDER 4" is OUTSELLING it, my friend! I have a graphic novel coming out from Dark Horse in September called "THE BLACK PEARL" based on a screenplay I wrote that I will direct..
ROBIN: He's on fire!!
HOWARD: Hey, excuse us!
MARK: Well I'm TELLING you I was..the thing is..
HOWARD: I mean, Harrison Ford's career hasn't suffered from "STAR WARS"..
ROBIN: Yeah, but we went through the list of people in the movie--
HOWARD: We went through Harrison Ford, James Earl Jones, Carrie Fisher..
HOWARD:Even the Wookiee's done outside projects!
HOWARD: I mean, come on! You made that much money from "WING COMMANDER"??
HOWARD: So if they grosses 100 million you get uh...1%?
ROBIN: 10 million?
MARK: I uhh.. I have a..a..a..very significant royalty on that product..
MARK: Yeah. Now I'll be at the Virgin Megastore tomorrow from 10am to Noon signing copies. And it's the number one selling game in the country! Now we're outselling Lucasfilms' "STAR WARS" game, and we're outselling "MYST"!!
HOWARD: I'll tell ya one thing...
ROBIN: He doesn't have anything against it, but he IS outselling the
"STAR WARS" game!
HOWARD: Yeah, yeah! But you're outselling, "MYST"?
HOWARD: I thought "MYST" was the number one selling CD-ROM...
MARK: No, we're above "MYST" right now. I don't know what will happen next week, because this is fairly new territory for me...
HOWARD: So, the point is, you're a multi millionaire from this?
HOWARD: Oh, ok. Because I thought you were out, you know..actually, if you want my advise--DO interviews with the tabloids! What could it hurt?
ROBIN: It got us talking!
MARK: Well the thing is..I thought..it's nothing against the tabloids. It's just that the timing's not right because the book doesn't come out 'till September
HOWARD: Oh, I see! There are guys that want to go to the Virgin Megastore 'cause..a lot of guys I know..guys about 10 to 15 years younger than me...
HOWARD:...have STAR WARS hard ons they call it? They're sorta like "Trekkies"..out of all the guys out of the "STAR WARS" thing they all worship Mark Hamill!
ROBIN: Is that right?
HOWARD: You know who's one of those guys? Grillo! (Stern show intern)
HOWARD: Grillo's like.."I heard Mark Hamill's gonna be over at the Virgin Megastore..."
MARK: Well, you know why..'cause they were 9 years old when the movie
came out..they were at the perfect age to be captured by it.
HOWARD: It's almost like they're homo for you!
MARK: HAHAHAHAHA! Fat lot of good it does me!
HOWARD: Well, yeah..you know what? I always thought Mark Hamill might have been gay?
HOWARD: Because I always hear rumors about stuff..then I said, hey, maybe Mark Hamill's gay from "STAR WARS". I even heard Harrison Ford.....
ROBIN: Harrison Ford was supposed to be gay!!
HOWARD: Yeah right..he's not! And Mark isn't! Now I think Grillo is!
ROBIN: The wookiee WAS gay!
HOWARD: Was the wookiee gay?
MARK: Who knows? I didn't hang with him off the set!!
HOWARD: Grillo, what's your story? You're actually going to the Virgin Megastore?
GRILLO: Yeah, I'll be there tomorrow, Mark!
MARK: Oh, good!
HOWARD: Really?..what's your story..explain the whole thing...
GRILLO: Explain the whole thing? I just grew up on "STAR WARS"! From the time I was 6 years old 'till now I've watched "STAR WARS" a million times! I know lines....
FRED NORRIS: (Sound effects man, doing Grillo impersonation) I'm like a mental patient!
HOWARD: Look at him! He's nervous!
GARY DELL 'ABATE: (Stern show producer, "Baba Booey") The first time we had Mark on, Grillo came in with these "STAR WARS" baseball cards..and all these comics that were in plastic...
HOWARD: HAHAHA! What are you, a nut?
GRILLO: I'm not a nut until it comes to like.."STAR WARS"!
GARY: And then he bought..you can buy these figurines and dishes..he bought all that stuff recently...
HOWARD: Right..So are you into "WING COMMANDER" as well?
GRILLO: Umm...I don't have a computer! But I guess I would be if I did!
MARK: Hey I sent YOU a copy of it, Howard..have you played it yet?
HOWARD: Yeah,I played it.. it was real good..good game. I'm not a big game guy though.
MARK: Yeah, me either, me either. In fact, people ask me questions on how to play it, and my eyes glaze over. I'm not a pilot, but I play one on T.V.!
GARY: You know what we were all talking about in the office? There's like a whole second wave of "STAR WARS"..they're re-releasing it on videotape and laser disk..
ROBIN: And it's supposed to come out in the theatres!
GARY: Does Mark have a piece of that?
HOWARD: I bet not!
GRILLO: His face is all over the place! They're coming out with new books...
HOWARD: Mark, you get any of that money?
MARK: We signed a waiver.....
MARK:...so that George could get the movie made. It's a non-union film.
GRILLO: What about all the new Kenner stuff that has come out?
MARK: The thing is, George gave us a percentage of the theatrical distribution, so I have nothing to complain about! I never have! I didn't mean to get defensive about the tab..but what I'm surprised about is that it's twisted into quotes like I said that and I never did!
HOWARD: So you don't feel "STAR WARS" held you back?
MARK: No! If anything, it's given me an identity I wouldn't have had. It's like every one in the world knows you! I've been able to do Broadway..I've done 4 Broadway shows..2 off Broadway..look, I'm not going to go through my resume...
HOWARD: Yeah, and you did the "BATMAN" stuff....
MARK: I'm happy! Right now there's one day a week where I don't do an animated series. Since the Joker I'm on...what am I on..."SPIDERMAN", the "WING COMMANDER ANIMATED SERIES", "THE HULK"...
ROBIN: He's working all the time!
HOWARD: Hey, don't get so uptight, man! We believe you!
GARY: Howard, if he gets a piece of the theatrical release, will he get money when it's rereleased?
MARK: Only in the theatres. Not on video, not on HBO...
ROBIN: They're talking about a re-release in February..theatrical!
MARK: Yeah, well see I don't pay attention to any of that.