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Top 47 Lesser-Known Goals of the Evil Empire
- Part 1 of 2

by the readers of TheForce.Net


A message from TFN
Topic suggested and submissions edited by guest editor Cirrocco
He enjoyed your entries SO much, there are two lists. Because of the number of entries chosen, Top 46 becomes Top 47 this week. Enjoy!


Part 1 - Part 2


  1. Making Lucas pay for the Holiday Special
    by Prawnee

  2. Spread the freshening power of Tic-Tacs across the galaxy.
    by LukeG

  3. To finally figure out life's greatest mysteries. Who is Keyser Soze, figuring out the Colonel secret recipe, and how they get the caramel inside the Caramilk Bar.
    by Darth Mentos

  4. To explore strange new worlds. To seek out new life and new civilizations. And disintegrate them.
    by Jeedai Halcyon

  5. A Starbucks on every planet.
    by Joanna

  6. To provide the galaxy with homely family cuisine at affordable prices in a slightly nostalgic, but overly annoying atmosphere
    by RogueOne

  7. As the galaxy's largest construction outfit, bringing down the Steel Workers' union dental plan became paramount in the fight to lower overhead prior to the redoubling of efforts.
    by the Master Jedi Tailor

  8. Secret co-production of Dangeresque 1, 2, & 3
    by DoogieTheHutt

  9. Make Mon Mothma kiss Jabba
    by Alhon

  10. Make the perfect grilled cheese sandwich
    by sadistic_monkey

  11. Replace all plumbing fixtures with new, low-pressure ones.
    by Tabitha

  12. Open first intergalactic White Castles
    by SMISH21

  13. Trying to resurrect Jimi Hendrix.
    by BACK IN BLACK!!!!!!!!

  14. To get all the tea in china
    by darthbrad

  15. to actually compete with Microsoft
    by darthbrad

  16. win american idol.
    by darthbrad

  17. get all the stormtroopers to wash behind their ears.
    by darthbrad

  18. make sure the TFN Humor page never gets updated (they seem to be succeeding some days)
    by ryanadc

  19. prevent tooth decay
    by ryanadc

  20. cause the dissolution of the Federation and destroy all incarnations of the Enterprise
    by ryanadc

  21. find me something better to do than post a million lesser-known goals
    by ryanadc

  22. create a New York Times Bestselling series of diet books (any fool will buy them)
    by ryanadc

  23. Lowering those super-weapon prices by up to 45%
    by SithSpawn

  24. Sell Windows to Wookies. Oh, you mean the other Evil Empire...
    by Darth Lairdman

  25. find...a shrubbery!
    by Ophelia

  26. DON'T SUBMIT ANYTHING!!! LUCAS MIGHT BE LOOKING FOR A SIDE PLOT!!! DON'T DO IT!!!!
    by The Curser (in every sense of the word)

  27. A better army (they couldn't hit the backside of a rancor if it was doing the chicken dance in their faces. or worse)
    by You don't want to know

  28. establishing "Palpatine's players" interpretive dance troupe.
    by doogiethehutt

  29. Every Friday- free ice cream day! (Who says they have to be all evil?)
    by Jar Jar Bites

  30. The evilest goal of the Empire was to force children to do calculus.
    by hand of yoda

  31. To make the prefix "evil" compulsory when referring to the Evil Empire.
    by Kyra

  32. To put Darth Vader in front of a bunch of Trekkies and take a picture. Oh, wait, they already did that.
    by Kyra

  33. To talk George into making Episodes Seven, Eight, and Nine.
    by Kyra

  34. To boldly go where no man has gone before.... wait.
    by Thrax McCracken

  35. Make ketchup officially a vegetable.
    by Kashyap2

  36. The number of licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop.
    by Kilana

  37. get lord Vader's pickle jar open
    by rinoz

  38. get those star destroyer parking tickets taken care of
    by rinoz

  39. oral care plan for the emperor
    by rinoz

  40. To capture the Bespin ice cream guy.
    by Danj

  41. Make billions on the sale of Tickle-Me-Vader dolls.
    by Darth Diesel

  42. Coin collecting.
    by Caffiene Queen

  43. Finding the ultimate question of life the universe and everything
    by Rogue_0009

  44. There are two kinds of people in the galaxy. Those who like Neil Diamond and those who don't. One of them must be eradicated....
    by BLUE-HARVEST

  45. The Good Republic only had 45 Lesser-Known Goals, we have one more. We are better.
    by Ulan.

  46. keep the red sox from ever winning the world series again.... oh wait wrong evil empire
    by

  47. Round up all the botox in the galaxy for the Emperor's personal stash.
    by computer_geekz

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