Top 47 Lesser-Known Goals of the Evil Empire
- Part 1 of 2
by the readers of TheForce.Net
A message from TFN
Topic suggested and submissions edited by guest editor Cirrocco
He enjoyed your entries SO much, there are two lists. Because of the number of entries chosen, Top 46 becomes Top 47 this week. Enjoy!
Part 1 - Part 2
- Making Lucas pay for the Holiday Special
- Spread the freshening power of Tic-Tacs across the galaxy.
- To finally figure out life's greatest mysteries. Who is Keyser Soze, figuring out the Colonel secret recipe, and how they get the caramel inside the Caramilk Bar.
by Darth Mentos
- To explore strange new worlds. To seek out new life and new civilizations. And disintegrate them.
by Jeedai Halcyon
- A Starbucks on every planet.
- To provide the galaxy with homely family cuisine at affordable prices in a slightly nostalgic, but overly annoying atmosphere
- As the galaxy's largest construction outfit, bringing down the Steel Workers' union dental plan became paramount in the fight to lower overhead prior to the redoubling of efforts.
by the Master Jedi Tailor
- Secret co-production of Dangeresque 1, 2, & 3
- Make Mon Mothma kiss Jabba
- Make the perfect grilled cheese sandwich
- Replace all plumbing fixtures with new, low-pressure ones.
- Open first intergalactic White Castles
- Trying to resurrect Jimi Hendrix.
by BACK IN BLACK!!!!!!!!
- To get all the tea in china
- to actually compete with Microsoft
- win american idol.
- get all the stormtroopers to wash behind their ears.
- make sure the TFN Humor page never gets updated (they seem to be succeeding some days)
- prevent tooth decay
- cause the dissolution of the Federation and destroy all incarnations of the Enterprise
- find me something better to do than post a million lesser-known goals
- create a New York Times Bestselling series of diet books (any fool will buy them)
- Lowering those super-weapon prices by up to 45%
- Sell Windows to Wookies. Oh, you mean the other Evil Empire...
by Darth Lairdman
- find...a shrubbery!
- DON'T SUBMIT ANYTHING!!! LUCAS MIGHT BE LOOKING FOR A SIDE PLOT!!! DON'T DO IT!!!!
by The Curser (in every sense of the word)
- A better army (they couldn't hit the backside of a rancor if it was doing the chicken dance in their faces. or worse)
by You don't want to know
- establishing "Palpatine's players" interpretive dance troupe.
- Every Friday- free ice cream day! (Who says they have to be all evil?)
by Jar Jar Bites
- The evilest goal of the Empire was to force children to do calculus.
by hand of yoda
- To make the prefix "evil" compulsory when referring to the Evil Empire.
- To put Darth Vader in front of a bunch of Trekkies and take a picture. Oh, wait, they already did that.
- To talk George into making Episodes Seven, Eight, and Nine.
- To boldly go where no man has gone before.... wait.
by Thrax McCracken
- Make ketchup officially a vegetable.
- The number of licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop.
- get lord Vader's pickle jar open
- get those star destroyer parking tickets taken care of
- oral care plan for the emperor
- To capture the Bespin ice cream guy.
- Make billions on the sale of Tickle-Me-Vader dolls.
by Darth Diesel
- Coin collecting.
by Caffiene Queen
- Finding the ultimate question of life the universe and everything
- There are two kinds of people in the galaxy. Those who like Neil Diamond and those who don't. One of them must be eradicated....
- The Good Republic only had 45 Lesser-Known Goals, we have one more. We are better.
- keep the red sox from ever winning the world series again.... oh wait wrong evil empire
- Round up all the botox in the galaxy for the Emperor's personal stash.