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Lando Calrissian and the Flamewind of Oseon
by L. Neil Smith

Published by Ballantine / Del Rey

Scott's Rating:   1.5 out of 4
Darin's Rating:   1 out of 4

This is book 2 of the Lando Calrissian Adventures.

After the previous novel, Lando and his droid, Vuffi Raa, had a lot of cash to invest. However, through a series of bad business deals, Lando is strapped for cash again. He goes back to the Sabacc tables and tries his luck once again. Of course, he wins big, but he soon realizes someone is trying to kill him.

Eventually, with everyone trying to kill him, Lando accidentally kills a bad guy in self defense, then he is thrown in jail. His only way to get out is to help the local police put the sting on a drug dealer/gangster from a local asteroid. If Lando flies them there, he'll be set free. The only catch is it is the season for Flamewind, a colorful astronomical event that esentially grounds all ships for a few weeks. Lando has no choice to help him.

Rokur Gepta, the sorcer bad guy from the last novel, continues to dog Lando and we find out more about Vuffi Raa, the mysterious droid.


    This book, like the first one, has some cool Sabacc card game scenes. I really liked those. The story also has a couple of cool space chases, but they are short. Vuffi Raa also becomes more of an interesting character in the book, but that does not even happen till the very last 10 pages. There is also an interesting scene that discusses the ins and outs of trading on an agricultural planet, which is interesting.


    That it's over, and I've only wasted my time reading it twice in my life. It won't make a third round as long as I live.


    Where to begin. If I'm going to rate this barely above kissing my sister, I must justify it. Here goes! Check out this description of one of the major characters in the book. I quote, "It was two and a half meters tall, had an orange beak and scaly three toed feet, was covered with bright yellow feathers, spoke in an annoying high-pitched effiminate voice despite its repulsively obvious masculinity, and answered to the name of..."...Big Bird? Did Smith think Yoda sounded a lot like Grover, so he could have a character be another Sesame Street Muppet? Oh, yeah. Big Bird also blows a chick's head clean off later on. Real cute, eh?

Next, listen to this description. "Outside, a braid of rasberry red, lemon yellow, and orange orange twisted through the heavens, across a constellation locals called the Silly Rabbit." Gag. TRIX are for kids, not Star Wars fans.

Also, the whole premise of the novel was bad. The motivations of the bad guy, Rokur Gepta, were stupid. In the last book, Rokur Gepta and his henchman hire Lando to get the Mindharp. Lando does and the henchman takes it from him, and is destroyed. Gepta is ticked, and decides that he's going to torture/kill/ruin Lando. Shouldn't he be mad at the henchman? Also, Gepta is the poor man's Darth Vader. Vader tortures with needles and electrical shock. Gepta 'tortures by chagrin'. In other words, he makes them feel the fear they didn't feel when they were scared in the past. OK. Scary. There's also a poor man's Jabba the Hutt, but I'd be wasting my breath...er...typing to describe him now.

I could go on and on, but I would just be rehashing what I said in my review of the first book. Read it again, if you want my full opinion. The only difference is there's no orgy in the first book, but I won't get into that.


    I could go on like Scott did. But I'd be giving this book more words than it deserves. I hurled.


    Thinking about how I spent a week reading this when I could have read something better.


    That I continued reading past the "Silly Rabbit" thing. Honestly, this book is THE WORST

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