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The Merchandise Collector

 

The Merchandise Collector(To: Eminem's "Lose Yourself")

Parody lyrics copyright 2003 by Steven Cavanagh

Date: Jun 2003

Look.
if you had
one shot
to buy the original prototype rocket firing Boba Fett action figure, and it cost as much as your car,
how would you get home?

His palms are sweaty, his new costume's ready
His ears are made of plastic and heavy, they're Ferengi
Their purpose is kinda worthless but you can bet he
wouldn't lose em, even if you tried to use a machete
So Wow! Now he's round a convention crowd
He knows sci-fi shows are what it's all about.
He collects stuff- but he never gets enough
He's obsessed, cuz he's the best science fiction buff

Snap! There goes reality. Oh
and normality, so
you go mad from the quotes
he goes parroting, Yo
it's so bad that he blows
his whole packet to own
every last episode
of star trek that's been known
to humanity, so
He's so proud that he gloats,
and he posts all with emotes,It's insanity
He's still ecstatic he
has no low battery
It's still floatin his boat like he walks in low gravity

You sure could use some help, you collect merchandise,
gotta buy, stuff from every science fiction show (ho)
Conventions are one stop to shop, fill your bags and go
The fan community's turned into your lifeline

You sure could use some help, you collect merchandise,
gotta buy, stuff from every science fiction show (ho)
Conventions are one stop to shop, fill your bags and go
The fan community's turned into your lifeline, yo

Wallet's breaking, from the dream that he's chasing
His cash is yours for the taking
Watch the king placing an order, and it's for a
toy transporter, a tricorder and a forty
foot star destoyer. the feeling grows stronger.
Addiction is hard to give up, he don't wanna,
Frodo's the go, but there's no Harry Potter
He one of those buyin' the clothes
and he puts on the robes of skywalker
He holds a pose and goes "Luke, I'm your father"
The rows and rows of toy clones, an armada
of starfleet lego, the whole enchilada
His collection is just like a globe of snow
it just grows and grows faster. The merchandise master
who chose all of those, won't ever grow out of it
it just goes on, da da dum da dum da da

You sure could use some help, you collect merchandise,
gotta buy, stuff from every science fiction show (ho)
Conventions are one stop to shop, fill your bags and go
The fan community's turned into your lifeline

You sure could use some help, you collect merchandise,
gotta buy, stuff from every science fiction show (ho)
Conventions are one stop to shop, fill your bags and go
The fan community's turned into your lifeline, yo

He's real strange, he gave his whole head a shave
he likes to sit down in armchairs, and say "engage"
he was playin' in the beginning, he's gone all changed
He's got Stargate and Farscape and even Crusade.
There's an original mint condition Colonial Viper
An autographed picture says "Hi from Will Riker"
Takes pride in what he buys and he tries to
Hide the whole prize inside his house, like a
quarter life-size design of the Enter-
prise, a hitch hiker's guide, the white tights of
a speeder bike rider
Owns every movie, he's gone into hyper
drive with his life and the life is so good,
and it's getting even better cause he's gonna get a sweater plus
a letter from the guy who's Boba Fett and then you bet he gets a bigger head
he's never ever letting you forget it man it rocks,
because it's
worth a lot, it's investment stock
It's gotten, to the point of being a frontal lobotomy
and shopping is the only skill he's got
Collecting is his only smeggin' option, a job is not.
Man, I love you, but this habit's got to go
It has gotten old, you've lost the plot
So hey "Mr Spock"
lose the damn Ewok, cause this may be the only opportunity you got

You sure could use some help, you collect merchandise,
gotta buy, stuff from every science fiction show (ho)
Conventions are one stop to shop, fill your bags and go
The fan community's turned into your lifeline

You sure could use some help, you collect merchandise,
gotta buy, stuff from every science fiction show (ho)
Conventions are one stop to shop, fill your bags and go
The fan community's turned into your lifeline, yo

You can give up anytime you want to, man.

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