I Can't Lift This (To: M C Hammer's "U Can't Touch This")

Parody lyrics copyright 2002 by Steven Cavanagh

Date: Sep 2002

(I can't lift this)
(I can't lift this)
(I can't lift this)

My, My, My, (I can't lift this), X-Wing fell in, the mud
makes me say "holy crud!"
where could, this Yoda be?
made me fly down here and crash through a tree
and land, in a stinking swamp.
Why's a Jedi master live in this dump?
and I sunk - my ship,
and that kinda thing, uh
I can't lift.

I told you, Artoo
(I can't lift this)
It's like a dream and you know
(I can't lift this)
there's mud in your eye, man!
(I can't lift this)
Yo, ready for some power?
(I can't lift this)

Hopin' this Yoda, is near
Dammit, Artoo, what are we doing here?
I saw, the ghost of Ben
The old guy gave me orders again
and I followed, right on
Learn to be a Jedi and you never go wrong
Like Dad, huh, like Dad
Now I'm beginning to believe I've been had
And I'm stuck here, you get the gist
Cause that kinda thing, uh, I can't lift.

Yo, I told you
(I can't lift this)
Where's the great warrior, man?
(I can't lift this)
Somethin' familiar about this...
(I can't lift this)

Open a box, of food
Next thing y'know some little green dude
is watchin' -oh man!
"What are you doin' here? Help you I can!"
Insulting, no doubt.
Laughing at me cause I can't get my ship out
Pushin' my patience way too far
Takes all my stuff and I have to say Ar-too
Let him, have it
aint got a ship, so I might as well quit.

That's just because I know
(I can't lift this)
(I can't lift this)

Put it down!
(don't do that....)
(hey, you could have broken.. Oh)
STOP- that's my dinner!

Bad as your Dad, he says
That you just met the master
and you flunked the test
He waves, his hands in the air
Things flying round, and there ain't no strings there
Asked if I trained, would I get right through it?
I said "Yo", he said "fine, let's do it"
we leave, Obi-Wan
get piggy-back and head out for a run
Run, Run, Run, Run,
phew!, (I can't lift this)

Get off my back, man!
(I can't lift this)
Han.. Leia?
Oops!
(I can't lift this)

Put it down!

STOP- Break time!

(I can't lift this)
Moving stones is one thing, but this..
(I can't lift this)
(I can't lift this)
Put it down!
(Oh, we'll never get it out now)
STOP- Break time!

Now when we'd finished training,
My little muppet guy
said "do, or do not,
'cause there is no try"
Now how could I ever
Lift up a ship?
I don't know what he's smokin',
But it's one bad trip.
I had to lift it out!
I tried to no avail!
Then I gave up and quit it, so he sighed and just did it,
said "that is why you fail"
(I can't lift this)

(I can't lift this)
(I can't lift this)
(I can't lift this)
(I can't lift this)
I don't believe it! (I can't lift this)