I have a Motorola Droid with Google Maps-based navigation services, so I won’t be getting one of these myself. However, I did spend some time thinking about this new partnership, and I’ve determined one thing: Star Wars on your GPS means hilarious new lines from some of the saga’s most iconic characters. Imagine the many places TomTom could take this line of voices -- picture Jar Jar telling you to make a legal U-turn, or Obi-Wan bemoaning the fact that you missed your exit.
I’m sure that TomTom, through its partnership with VoiceSkins.com, has already started to create voice tracks for the three forthcoming Star Wars characters. So to help them out, I came up with a few “directions” that I’d like to hear from C-3PO, Yoda, and Han Solo.
C-3PO • “Recalculating. I don’t know what all this trouble is about, but I’m sure it must be your fault.” • “When possible, make a legal U-turn. This time you have gone too far!” • When you return to your car after using a rest stop: “At last! Where have you been?” • When you switch off the GPS unit: “Shutting up, sir.” • When you try to hack the GPS firmware: “Don’t get technical with me!” • When you enter an obscure, out-of-the-way, possibly-backwater destination: “I’m going to regret this.”
Yoda • “I am wondering, why are you here? Proceed to the highlighted route, you must.” • When you turn on the GPS: “Help you I can, yes! Mmm!” • When you pass a McDonald’s: “Cheeseburgers, French fries, McFlurries…a Jedi craves not these things.”
Han Solo • “You have arrived at your destination. Don’t everybody thank me at once.” • When you nervously ponder how to avoid a speed trap: “I don’t know, fly casual.” • When he gets you lost: “Look, don’t worry, everything’s going to be fine. Trust me.”
And here are some GPS lines that would be great for other Star Wars characters: • "You must turn where you feel is right, of course.” – Obi-Wan Kenobi • “It’s a speed trap!” – Admiral Ackbar • “From now on, you do as I tell you, okay?” – Princess Leia • “In 0.5 miles, you will make a left. I have forseen it.” – Emperor Palpatine • “You will arrive at your destination in 10 minutes. You’ve got a lot of guts coming here, after what you pulled.” – Lando Calrissian • “Your destination is ahead on the right. Move along! Move along!” – Stormtroopers • "In 1.5 miles, take the freeway exit. Stay on target!” – Gold Five
Suffice it to say, I don’t think we’re going to get a Gold Five GPS voice. Still, there are other interesting possibilities in the pantheon of Star Wars characters. And who says the Star Wars component of driving technology has to stop at our GPS’s voice? I don’t! One day we’ll all drive around with astromech units in the back seat, beeping at us to stop being so proud and ask for directions to Dagobah already.