Face To Face With The Masters
Any citizen of the galaxy may be summoned to answer to the Jedi Council. Here you may read the transcripts of such sessions.
Cellblock 1138 - 1997-1999 - 2000 - 2002 - 2003+
Kevin J. Anderson
Name: Kevin J. Anderson
Aliases: [deleted for safety reasons]
Species: Indeterminate biped, potentially human
Political Affiliation: Diversity Alliance, token humanoid
Weapon of Choice: Pen
Vehicle of Choice: Hiking boots
The following is a transcript from the interrogation of Rebel Scum
Kevin J Anderson by Lord Darth Vader. Anderson was caught aboard the Blockade Runner
Intrepid fleeing with a copy of the Death Star Plans. Unfortunately, he hid the plans
before Vader boarded.
VADER: SO, ANDERSON, YOU ARE A PART OF THE REBEL ALLIANCE AND A
TRAITOR! YOU WILL TELL ME WHERE THE PLANS TO THE DEATH STAR ARE, BUT FIRST, I WANT OTHER
INFORMATION FROM YOU. WILL YOU COOPERATE OR WILL I HAVE TO GET ROUGH?
KJA: ack! Cooperating sound OK to me! wheeze!
VADER: GOOD. IN RESEARCHING THE ILLUSTRATED STAR WARS UNIVERSE, YOU
WERE ABLE TO INFILTRATE THE LUCASFILM ARCHIVES. WHAT DID YOU SEE THAT WAS UNIQUE OR NEVER
SEEN BY THE PUBLIC?
KJA: Most of the unique, never-before-seen work got grabbed for
inclusion in ILLUSTRATED SW UNIVERSE. Some of the gorgeous pieces we were unable to use
were a frozen, ice-buried castle on Hoth, some remnant from a lost civilization, and the
Emperor's throne-room private chambers, down near the core of Coruscant, surrounded by
pathways of lava... Really cool stuff.
VADER: HMM, INTERESTING. NOW, LUCASFILM HAS ALWAYS BEEN BIG ON
CONTINUITY, HOWEVER, WITH THE RETURN OF THE JEDI SPECIAL EDITION, THEY WILL REDO THE MAX
REBO BAND. THIS WOULD SEEM TO WIPE OUT THE BAND'S SHORT STORY IN TALES FROM JABBA'S
PALACE. CAN YOU THINK OF ANY EXPLANATION FOR BOTH OF THEM OTHER THAN "LUCAS SAID
KJA: Whatever George says goes... Of course, some of the band
members may be a bit spacey and self-centered--they could have been completely oblivious
to the fact that other musicians were there as well...
VADER: ANDERSON, YOUR USE TO ME IS NEARING ITS END. PERHAPS I SHOULD
KILL YOU! SPEAKING OF...DO YOU THINK "THE OTHER SIDE" WHERE BEN KENOBI AND THE
OTHER JEDI I KILLED SHOULD EVER BE REVEALED?
KJA: No. I think *whatever* somebody comes up with would be much
more trite than our imaginations can come up with.
VADER: SUPPOSE YOU HAPPENED TO LEAVE HERE ALIVE, WHAT STAR WARS OR
OTHER SCIENCE FICTION PROJECTS DO YOU HAVE LINED UP?
KJA: In Star Wars, I have a new "Tales of the Jedi" comic
series-The Golden Age of the Sith, which will be followed by The Fall of the Sith Empire.
My wife and I are just now completing the second book in the second series of Young Jedi
Knights adventures, which come out every three months. We have three more to go before
this story arc is completed. TALES OF THE BOUNTY HUNTERS comes out this November, my third
SW anthology. And, slowly but surely, I am working on the massive Star Wars Chronology,
which will come out before the prequel movies are released.
I write a lot of high-tech thrillers with my co-author Doug Beason.
We have a science fiction mystery series starring our character, FBI Agent Craig Kreident,
who investigates cases that are a cross between X-Files and Tom Clancy. They are very
complicated and technically accurate. Our first one, VIRTUAL DESTRUCTION, was a bestseller
here in the U.S., and we just finished the second adventure, FALLOUT, which we think is
extremely good. We are just beginning work on the third, LETHAL EXPOSURE. We have also
just sold our newest thriller, IGNITION, to Universal Studios as a major motion picture. I
have one more X-Files novel under contract, plus several XF comic books. And I am working
on a massive standalone science fiction novel, HOPSCOTCH, which will be my
"masterpiece so far"-it's the novel I've.... always.... wanted... to
VADER: I SEE! FOR MY NEXT QUESTION, I...
STORMTROOPER: SIR! THE PRISONER HAS PASSED OUT!
VADER: WHA? OH....(slap, slap) WAKE UP FOOL!
VADER: THAT'S BETTER. THE STAR WARS FILMS DREW HEAVILY ON HISTORY,
RELIGION, LEGEND, AND MYTH FOR INSPIRATION. HAVE YOU DONE SO ON ANY OF YOUR BOOKS?
KJA: I have a strong background in history, and I have tried
wherever possible to use grand events from the past as a basis for some of my storylines.
However, when Star Wars was developed, modeled on a mythic cycle, it wasn't *designed* to
have many many other adventures tacked onto the end afterward. In true mythic cycles, the
main characters are allowed to die heroic deaths, etc., and we are under tougher
constraints in producing spin-off fiction.
VADER: WITH SUCH HIGH EXPECTATIONS FOR THE NEW TRILOGY, WHAT DO YOU
THINK IT WILL TAKE FOR GEORGE LUCAS TO BLOW AWAY AUDIENCES LIKE HE HAS DONE IN THE PAST?
WILL EXPECTATIONS BE HIGHER THAN HE CAN POSSIBLY DELIVER?
KJA: You could argue that he faced the same problem when making
EMPIRE and JEDI. After STAR WARS how could he top it? Well, he did. As before, when he
used bluescreen technology, when he looked at cliched scenes in a fresh way, he came up
with something breathtaking. I have faith that Lucas will do it again, in ways we don't at
all expect. (sniff, sniff)
VADER: WHAT ARE YOU DOING, REBEL?!
KJA: Your breath...it's so fresh and minty!
VADER: WHY THANK YOU! NOW, LUCAS MENTIONED THAT HE PLANNED TO DO
THREE TRILOGIES. WHAT DO YOU SPECULATE THAT THE LAST ONE COULD POSSIBLY BE ABOUT THAT
HASN'T BEEN COVERED IN THE RECENT NOVELS?
KJA: Referring to my earlier answer, in doing a final trilogy, Lucas
would have the freedom to do drastic things, kill off Luke Skywalker, etc. Or he has the
option of going a century into the future and creating a whole new playing field. For the
time being, though, I think the full attention is being paid to the prequels. Maybe in a
decade we'll worry about the sequel trilogy!
VADER: LUKE SKYWALKER HAS PROGRESSIVELY AGED IN THE STAR WARS
NOVELS. DO YOU THINK LUCAS WILL EVER HAVE HIM DIE OR WILL HE BECOME IMMORTAL LIKE SUPERMAN
KJA: I hope Luke is allowed to grow powerful and mature, and save
the universe with a profound sacrifice like Obi-Wan Kenobi did... There's nothing more
pathetic than creaking old characters still pretending they're young hotshots.
VADER: PROFOUND SACRIFICE MY BLACK LEATHERED BUTT! OBI-WAN WAS A
PATHETIC OLD FOOL! I DID THE GALAXY A SERVICE BY DESTROYING HIM! SO, WHAT NON-STAR WARS
STORIES BY YOU OR OTHER AUTHORS WOULD YOU RECOMMEND TO STAR WARS FANS?
KJA: My favorite science fiction novels I've written are BLINDFOLD
and CLIMBING OLYMPUS, both out in paperback and both published in the last couple of
years. Of my thrillers with Doug Beason, ILL WIND and VIRTUAL DESTRUCTION should be the
easiest to find. By the way, what do these buttons on your chest do? (click!)
VADER: NO!! DON'T TOUCH THA....urk...I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME, WE'RE
A HAPPY FAMILY, WIT..(click!). DON'T EVER THINK OF DOING THAT AGAIN! AND NONE OF YOU EVER
SAW THAT! (heavy breathing and Jedi mind trick here)
STORMTROOPERS: WE NEVER SAW THAT!
VADER: GOOD. NOW, DO YOU THINK ANY OF THE ENVIRONMENTS YOU CREATED
ON CORUSCANT OR TATOOINE WILL SHOW UP IN THE NEW MOVIES?
KJA: I won't count on it, but I'd love to see it. That's all up to
VADER: ONE OF YOUR STORIES ABOUT A GROUNDED ASTRONAUT AND TERRORIST
AT CAPE KENNEDY, IGNITION, HAS BEEN BOUGHT TO BE TURNED INTO A FILM. CAN YOU TELL US SOME
DETAILS ON IT AND HOW WILL IT BE DIFFERENT FROM OTHER TERRORIST FILMS SUCH AS DIE HARD OR
KJA: Well, naturally I hope ours will be better! : ). In IGNITION,
the terrorists have planted a bomb on the external tank of the space shuttle while it's on
the launchpad with the crew inside. In DIE HARD, the bad guys were just endangering a
*building*--but IGNITION puts at risk a national icon, plus genuine heroes, our
astronauts. One of the strong points Doug and I bring to this story, though, is an
absolute sense of reality and accuracy. We've worked with NASA, we've received VIP tours
onto the launchpad and the Vehicle Assembly Building and the Launch Control Center. It's
as if Tom Clancy had written DIE HARD.
VADER: WHERE HAVE YOU HIDDEN THE PLANS TO THE DEATH STAR!!
KJA: Gee, I thought everybody had them by now, considering how many
of those Death Stars are floating around in the galaxy! I'm sure I've got a few extra
copies of the plans lying around here somewhere. PC or Mac format?
VADER: BAH!!! I WANT THOSE PLANS! TEAR THIS SHIP APART AND BRING ME
ANY PRISONERS! I WANT THEM ALIVE....UNLESS THEY ARE AUTHORS!
Following this 'interview', Darth Vader left the ship.
Unfortunately, that Rebel Scum Anderson turned out not to be dead.
He jettisoned in an Escape Pod to the planet Tatooine where he was
captured by Jabba the Hutt. There, he was thrown to the Rancor to be devoured. However, he
and the Rancor struck up a conversation and made a movie deal. They are now making films
on the Planet Hollywood. A bounty has been placed on his head by the Empire. LONG LIVE