Top Ten Surprises in the New Version of Star Wars
from The Late Show with David Letterman

10. Part of Chewbacca now played by a shirtless Ed Asner

9. Commander of the Death Star: Dr. Kevorkian

8. Land speeders replaced with pink Miatas

7. Comic relief provided by Cheech Marin as Luke Skywalker's wacky Mexican caddy

6. Darth Vader's voice goes up three octaves after Dennis Rodman kicks him in the groin

5. Instead of "May the force be with you", Obi-Wan Kenobi says, "Show me the money!"

4. Cameo appearance by Bob Dole as Yoda's great-great-grandfather

3. Luke and Darth Vader work together to beat the crap out of a bunch of Trekkies

2. New scene in which Jabba the Hut is hugged by a sobbing Richard Simmons

1. R2D2? Gay