Darth Maul: What is this box? I did not order this. Do not make me get uglier. I WANT BLUE MILK NOW!!!!
by Jaleou Qaes
"Dammit George! Stop staring and shoot the scene! Its #$%&@ 135 degrees out here and I'm in black and full makeup!!!"
by Brian Haughwout
"Ok thats real good. Now I want to see you make love to the camera. No that one right next to you. Don't you eyeball me like that"
by Donna
off screen: take 7. Maul: I can't wait to till it's over; I'm hot, this make-up inches, and I really need to take a dump.
by Alberto Vasquez
*talking guys* "It's best to just turn away and not stare at him....
by Neeks
off screen: take 7. Maul: I can't wait to till it's over; I'm hot, this make-up iches, and I really need to take a dump.
by Alberto Vasquez
I can't work like this! If any of you need me I'll be in my trailor!
by Jet Eye Nite
If you don't get that STUPID camera out of my face...
by Van Smack
I"m gonna flick a booger at you
by Van Smack
It's 120 degrees out here... I'm hot, tired, and all dressed in blaack... DAMNIT WHY COULDN'T DARTH MAUL'S COSTUME BE BERMUDA SHORTS?!?!?
by Van Smack
What do you mean I'm not in this scene??? I SAT THROUGH 4 HOURS OF MAKE UP FOR NOTHING?!?!?!?
by Van Smack
by "Its sure damn hot in black robes under
Darth Maul: So...My young apprentices...At last we'll have our reven...Hey, guys! Show some backbone will you?
by Dark Spooker
Darth Maul: Tourists...they all look the same...
by Dark Spooky
the MIB-wannabe: "Hey, isn't that guy Darth Maul?" the caffeine-addicted: "Naah...He's our new marketing manager."
by Darker Spookier
Lucas: Hey, Maul don't be such a jack-ass. Turn to the camera and say "cheese"!
by Spender
SithLord: Hey, yeah you with the camera, turn it off now... don't make me break out this lightsaber...
by DarkLasmith
Darth Maul (thinking): *Where's a double-end lightsaber when you need one*
by Spender
Ok, so I LIKE wearing a black cape and hood in 100 degree weather.. so what?
by DarkLasmith
Unfortunately, the sithlord did not realize that he was in a tropical location.
by DarkLasmith
Why the hell is everyone in t-shirts and shorts? It's freezing!
by DarkLasmith
Maul: At last we will have... WHAT THE HECK! How did I get here?!?
by Jack Mundwode
Hey, do these gloves match with my horns?
by DarkLasmith
Damn tatooine sun... Damn black hooded clothing... Where the hell is my makeup artist!!!
by DarkLasmith
guy in background: I got 20 bucks on maul other guy in background: No! you can't! Joe doesn't have a hope in hell!
by ViD
Maul: Why do I have the feeling, that someone is pointing a gun at my back?
by Jack Mundwode
Who the hell took my black boxers!?!
by DarkLasmith
Maul?:Why do I have the feeling, that someone is pointing a gun at my back?
by Jack Mundwode
Hey, you there.... want to buy some darkside?
by DarkLasmith
Lucas: Hey, Maul. Forget that beachbar and check out those babes!
by Spender
Hey check it out, I can detach my hand just like vader and luke!
by DarkLasmith
As part of his Sith Lord tour of duty... Darth Maul must wear incredibly warm clothing even in 100 degree weather.
by DarkLasmith
You see, this red stuff is really some kickass sunblock...
by DarkLasmith
That's one hell of a tan! Look at those stripes!
by Beacher
Wanna get in on a little secret? These horns... they're not fake... and the makeup, well...
by DarkLasmith
Maul: Man is it hot in here, if I only had a bottle of Pepsi?... (I hate when I have to advertise)
by Jack Mundwode
Hehe, my name is Maul, DARTH Maul...
by DarkLasmith
Today on SITHLORDS we take a look at the impudent Naboo civilization....
by DarkLasmith
Hello, I am your guide Dathius Maulus... here to guide you through the exotic wonderment that is tatooine.
by DarkLasmith
Lucas: Maul, man...I'll give you ten bucks if you stuck your head in that microwave.
by Spender
Check out this kewl invention I developed... all i have to do is twist off my hand, and a mini womprat jumps out and bites the enemy! Nifty huh
by DarkLasmith
Guy in the back: Smile your on candit-camera! Maul: WHAT!!!
by Jack Mundwode
Um, I'm a little hot in this getup.
by DarkLasmith
Maul: You might not think of it when you look at me, but I?m a sucker for love stories!
by Jack Mundwode
Look at me from the side, do I look fat to you???
by fett 26
Really, I can pull a womprat out of this sleeve... just watch...
by DarkLasmith
Maul thinks: Titanic.... eat your heart out, THIS movie will be the most expensive and most Oscar??s winning movie of all time!
by Jack Mundwode
Maul: Why is it allways black? Palpatine, Vader... and even Young Skywalker weared black!
by Jack Mundwode
Maul: If I only remembered how to activate the cheat-mode in my lightsabre...
by Jack Mundwode
Maul: So this is Sith... I hope that I?d never found this place!
by Jack Mundwode
nick
by Nicolasz
"After a fierce day of shooting, I get thirsty for a tall glass of milk..."
by Matt Scoggins
Yes... for when you hike your shorts a third time, I shall strike.
by David Blumenstein
Does this make me look fat?
by Jedi Dave
Has anyone seen my sunscreen?
by Jedi Dave
Unbeknownst to Ray Park, a Ghostbuster on the set has opened a ghost trap behind him, thinking the actor is actually a "phantom menace..."
by Sean Walsh
man: Oh god. here comes that crazy hermit with face paint... Wait. Let's put him in Star Wars!
by Obikenobi86
It was either this outfit or my birthday suit!
by Neil Dello Stritto
Common guys!! It's hot outside, and I'm dressed in black. Guys common, where's my airconditioner. I need my masoose. Ah, forget it, I quit!
by Darth Maul to the Rescue
"Pardon me Mr. Maul, but that was a great fight, but we cant use it in 'Episode 1: the TROOPS menace' unless you sign this waiver."
by Tokugawa
The unsuspecting crew is about to be pummled by Darth... Oh it's just Palpatine trying to prove he had the original look again.
by Joshua Hipple
"I'm not a dark lord of the Sith, but I play one on TV..."
by Tokugawa
You want to see the bug I caught? His name is Blaine.
by Natey O'Grady
(two guys in background) See what happens when you don use sunscreen here in the desert!
by alcornc@aol.com
I'm not a real Sith Lord, but I play one on the silver screen...
by Darth Gator
"Egad. I'm SO goth."
by Malkav
I may look tall dark mean evil and ugly, but I'm a pretty nice guy once ya get to know me!
by Joe Taft
Soon I will reveal myself to this Lucas. Soon I will have my revenge for being made to wear these ridiculous horns!
by Dusty-Wan Kenobuhl
T-shirt! I would defect to the Light Side for a simple white t-shirt!
by Jemm
Hey Sidio
by Jeffrey
-Hey Sidious.This ain`t working . These people aren`t running away.
by Jeffrey
Maul turning his back to the camera: "No! I will not cooperate if I dont get a doublesided lightsbre...! i want one!!!" Guy in shorts: "Son of a... Call Lucas right away..." (you know the rest)
by David Lofberg
The next guy that asks me if it is hot in this robe is going to get de-pants with my light saber.
by Marion Jensen
Who stole my buritto from the microwave?!
by Marion Jensen
LAPD: "Now we got ya! On film! And the gloves DO fit!"
by HammerHead
"Does this cloak make my butt look big? No, honestly."
by Darth Ael
I am Darth Cornholio. I need TP for my bunghole.
by Salacious Schwenke
Director: Someone told me this was the place to film "The Mummy." So why do I see people playing around with Colored flashlights?
by Anakin34
Hi Mommy...Look i'm on TV!
by Anakin34
Photographer:"Okay Maul smile at the birdie!" "Now you want glossy prints and duplicates right?"
by Ted
"Man, the model they use for those Esdee Lauder comercials just get uglier and uglier"
by GunganDom
Guy in White: Okay, who's the wise guy hired 2000 year old Emperor! I specifically said 5000 year old Emperor!
by Bedpan Elemental
Hey guys, is this the audition for Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
by Robert Eddleman
Look at the Emperor's shapeshifting ability. Only this time, it didn't go too well.
by Bedpan Elemental
Hey! What're you lookin' at?! Huh, pal? That's what I thought! Now turn around before I slice you a new one! Bob and Joe;- Movie Set practical Jokers both, watch with glee as one of the special Exlax Danishs they'd filled the refreshment table with started to take effect The other way! Face the other way! George he doing it again "I'm not acting till you change it so I live, I'll just hum and stare at the dunes, mmmh mhhem can't hear you mmmmmmmmm!" Yes sometime Maul found the camera crew from HBO's "Dark Lords of the Sith" a might erksome I put my lighsabre down for ONE minute and those theveing little Jawa buggers have it away like lightning, bloody desert planit, I'm sueing that travelagent. "I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. Lucas." Darth: maybe if i stand over here and be real quiet they won't notice me. Most people think the cape and the makeup are to project an evil aura, but the truth of it is, SPF45 just doesn't hack it on a planet with two suns. Why do you think Tuskens look like mummies? Day 28 on the Star Wars ticket line- After stating that Darth Maul would be the next Ewoks, things turned ugly. Bitmap Dark Side, by cK Maul: So dial 10-10-321 and help out some moisture farmers on Tatooine Maul: Damn Unions - Here they are on ANOTHER coffee break, with their shorts and T-shirts. And here I am in this wool cloak - Don't they realize its like 200 degrees under this thing! I am the Man in Black! The Galaxy Destroyer! Sing with me..... (Guy on left): All right, who took Maul's saber? (Guys on right): Told you they didn't run on three 'C' batteries! Ok, WHO FARTED? This disguise always works, they don't even know I'm here! After falling down the reactor shaft during the Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan/Maul fight, Darth Maul found himself in the magical desert of Tunisia. "What are YOU looking at?" Someone has been filming us!! What is this! Am I on Candid Camera? "Excuse me, whats my motivation? I'm just not feeling the evil. I need to feel the evil before I can be evil!" "You looking at me? You...lookin' at me?" Dont talk to Lucas until he's had his coffee "Do you think this makes me look fat?" What I really want to do is direct. Is this decaffinated!?! If I find out......... Hey George, my makeup keeps running... can't you just put me in this scene digitally? Maul, if only you had used the sunscreen like the rest of us... "This Star Wars all blcak stuff ended 16 years ago. At last I will have revenge!!" Boooo ! (Lucas)Look, Maul baby, in this shot, would you try not to kill the camerman this time. (Darth maul) It was him! Darth Maul:"you know, I realy thought black was the "in" color." Darth Maul: " Guys can we go inside now? My make-up is running! " Apparently, Anikin never bothered to "Tell them to take off", and Darth Maul was suddenly surrounded by all the Jedi-wannabes being taken off Tatooine... Join us, it's bliss! ... and for my next trick, I will choke the camera man... come on people give me a chance! So I'm not the greatest Sith, but... fine don't listen, but you'll be sorry... (smiling) "I ask for a job, and what does my manager get me? Some low-end movie that was shot 95% digital! This thing will never make any money! Whats ithis thing called again... George, I know we have to shot another scene, but if I stay out here any more in this black garb I'm going to die... and I will become more powerful than you could possibly imagine... Not only is it hot, my mascara is running and dork number 2 won't give me my glasses back! You lookin at me ? YOU LOOKIN AT ME ??? As soon as he realized he was on candid camera, Darth Maul's face turned even redder. Darth Maul is here! Aaah! You're only supposed to be in the movie, stupid! Get out of Tunisia and back into Starwarsland! You expect me to actually be in the movies looking BUTT FACED?? You are out of your MIND!!!!!!!! What? Is my fly undone again? Oh girrrl, are you going with the Palpatine cloak and hood look this winter. I'd kill for some Thin Mints right about now. Darth Maul:"For the last freakn' time, get that %@$!^# camera outta my face." It's hot, but at least I'm not wearing those shorts... OOOOOOOH NOOOOOOOOO! I forgot to put on sunscreen! "On the count of three, you two gentlemen turn, face each other and draw!" "You see, Goerge, that evil will always win, because rich people are dumb." MAUL: "Hi, I'm Darth Maul. After a hard day of exterminating the Jedi, I like to go home and throw down an ice cold Bud." GUY IN SUNGLASSES: "This is a family movie." MAUL: "Uh..milk...I said milk!" Ray Park, knowing his voice will be dubbed over in editing, amuses the cast and crew by delivering all his lines in falsetto. No, really...my lightsaber IS this long! Please 'cut' for a moment... Excuse me, I must use the gentleman's room. I'm Darth Maul, and I'd like to talk to you about life insurance..... You talkin' to me? Jason Reporter-So are you in Episode 2? Reporter-So are you in Episode 2? Maul- No comment. Now turn of the camera Ok. ..... I know how to use a lightsaber. TURN IT OFF! Darth Maul felt the power of the dark side when he relized the camera man was eating his "Sith twinkies" Trick or treat! If I were made up any cheesier I could be on Zena i can't belive george has all these great cgi animators, but we still have to be out here in 120 degree heat, and me wearing black! SHEEASH!! WHY WON'T YOU GUYS AT THE FORCE.NET EVER ACCEPT MY SUBMISSIONS FOR THE CAPTIONS!!! damnit! who the heck took my coffee? wheres that pesky satanic jedi, i bet he has something to do with it.... always casueing mischief... " HEY! JERK FACE! HALLOWEENS OVER!! HA HA HA HA HA!!!!" "HEY! doesnt that guy know that black is not the fashion anymore?" "PANT PANT! BLACK...ROBE...TOO...HOT! pant pant!" Darth Maul: This heat irks me...it's got my make-up running! Make-up..make-up!!! Here come the men in black....Galaxy defenders...? One of these kids is doin' his own thing.... Screw it, there not even going to use my voice anyway. Maul: Yeesss...They don't want to make eye contact... Suddenly, Satan made himself known to the unsuspecting group of tourists. Guy in sunglasses: Um, Ray...The camera's THAT way! Somehow, Iranian terrorists have infiltrated lucasfilm, as this picture proves. (Think back a few years, guys) Maul: No Mark you can't sub in for me, and if you ask again I'm going to beat you. Lucas : "Who's the guy in the stupid red makeup and the horns?" McCallum : "That's Ray Park, sir... he's Darth Maul.." Lucas : "I said Ray PARKER! We need a catchy song to drive up soundtrack sales!" "You, I suppose your programmed for etiquette and protocol.. do you speak Bocce?" "Mr. Park, that's the camera." "Camera.. yes.. not much more than an interpreter,not very good at telling stories.." Hey, why didn't you wake me. Now my face looks a fried chicken, and I'm supposed to be the hero in this story. (How Darth Maul really became the bad guy) "I wonder if AC/DC had ME in mind when they sang that song Wasn't I in "Lost in Space"? so... to reach Mos Eiley I have to go 3 system straight, then...? so... to reach Mos Eiley I have to go 3 systems straight, then...? Listen Darth1This chocking thing is getting realy old really fast OK kid, just one picture while nobody's watching. But this better really be for your dying brother and not end up on theforce.net or something. Now watch as my water bottle magically disappears! HEY! You're not watching! "So I come back from the toilet...the microwave's open...and the mini-pizzas are gone...anyone could've done it...anyone..." the fist in the sieries of new Epi.1 books:"where's mauldo" Maul practicing his big dance number " At last I will have my revenge, as soon as I'm done drinking my Diet Coke" "We are going to Aqaba". Wait, this is the wrong epic desert movie set. "That's the last time I go to Uncle Georgie's Facelift Shack!" if this picture excapes me and you, you will DIE Maul: I though that I was supposed to fight Qui-Gon, not Lucasfilm employees! here is the 90's version of little black riding hood OH MY GOSH, HE'S ALIVE OH MY GOSH, HE'S ALIVE Hey ! You there one the internet, dont tel the others i am in real life "Michael Jackson" At last we will reveal ourselves to the cameramen....at last we will have our close-up. Hi, I'm Darth Maul, and you're watching "Behind the Scenes of The Phantom Menace." We'll be right back after these messages from our sponsors. in a whiny voice "Excuse me, my air conditioner is broken, This make-up is making me itch and I can't get 'Rosie' on the sate...huh? What... Camera? uh.... ahem.... YES I WILL WIPE YOU OUT, ALL OF YOU "Okay seriously, whose going to take me seriously with all you geeks in white shirts, dockers, and funny hats following me everywhere. I'm a Dark Lord of the Sith! C'mon, throw me abone here!" To himself "Try to blend Maully, you are just a tourist with no evil plan affoot. Walk casual, try not to look suspicious, Oh who am I kidding? Where's my lightsaber? IT'S ON BABY!" "You talking to me?.... There's no-one else here, so you must be talking to me..." *Sound of neck snapping* Tourist:"Funny choice of clothes" Maul: "You want to know why I wear this robe? Check this out-I freckle easily" Throws back hood "See?" *Tourist screams and runs away* "I can't believe they fell for it! Dude, they TOTALLY think I'm Ray Park!" I'm ready for my close up, Mr. Lucas... " Hey guys! My face hurts! Could you gimme some lotion pleeeease?!" Maul: Making me where this dang robe in a Desert. What I was I thinking when I took this role? Darth Maul filming a new Pepsi commercial You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? I'm the only SIth Lord here, so it must be me. (In New York accent a la Robert Deniro)Are you lookin' at me? I said are you lookin' at me? Take that picture and I'll crush your puny larynx! Now go get me my Hanson CD!! Hey, what are YOU staring at? This happens to be the new fashion...err... guy by camera:"Oh god! He's doing the robot dance AGAIN! Get George down here now!" "Hey Darth Maul! You just wrapped-up filming of 'The Phantom Menace'! Where are you going next?" DARTH MAUL: "Disney World...YOO HOO!" Darth Maul: Ok, I new I was powerfull but where did everybody go, and who are these guys? Guy in the white hat: "Hey look it the grim reaper." Guy in the sunglasses: Boy, I'm glad I don't have to wear that! Darth Maul: *thinks* We'll see who's laughing when I pick up an MTV movie award. After a hard day of hunting down and killing Jedi Knights, I like to relax with a piping hot cup of Nestle Herbal Tea. My favorite flavor? Flirty Framboise, or Raspberry for our American friends. A small example of how low can a good guy fall... Lord Maul joins Lucas's friends and WOOSH! He's suddenly perverting small, promising children to the dark side... In an attempt to lighten the mood on the set, George tries on his new Halloween costume. Where's my freaking SPF 15? "Alright people let's do it again! Remember Maul, double lightsaber thingy and SHOW SOME MUSCLES! Alright, places everyone! A behind the scenes look at 'REVENGE OF THE JAWA'. Scene 5: The Jawa king This is how jawas REALLY look tike behind that hood. (you can see why they wear it) Suddenly, Darth Maul realized that he was the only one without a halloween costume. DARTH MAUL: pickpocket at large. " DARTH MAUL! Behind you! THERES A SUPER LAS..." Dont' look at me like that or... *snap hiss* You'll be ... like him... "AAARRRGHH!!!!!!! MY FACE IS RED FROM SUNBURN!!!!!" While Darth Maul isn't looking, Darth Sidious tries on his makeup. Darth maul refused to accept the fact that he was different "What do you mean Rick ate the last Danish, grrrr soon I will have my revenge." "Darth Maul do this! Darth Maul kill that! Wait'll I stick my lightsaber where the sun don't shine, that'll teach that Gilligan-hat wearing SOB not to mess with Darth Maul!" I NEEDS ME A WIMEN "What the #@%& are you looking at?" Don't look at me... *sob* it's not my fault.. *sniff* i was born like this... *snaphiss* DON"T MOCK ME... OR ELSE! "The minute you become a Dark Jedi you get film crews following you everywhere you go!","Mr. Ford, you are NOT in this film. Now get out of Maul's costume and go home." I will destroy the jedi! Hey... wait a minute.... who are these dorks? Where did they come from? Darth Maul Undercover (or, Why Sith Lords Generally Don't Make Good Spies) "Damnit George! Palpatine's face is orange!" "Eh you.. yeah.. you over there. You never saw me. I was never here. And I'm not going ta murder these guys. Shh.." Park:"Is this my good side or is this the side with that pimple that won't go away?" Park:" Do I look fat in this?" Park:"To be or not to be.."Lucas:"Ok, Ray all you need to do is look evil and kick some butt,got it!!" George Lucas is attempting to refine his directing skills. Attempt #1: George Lucas's guide to refining your directing skills. Step #1: Get more into your movies. George Lucas's guide to refining your directing skills. Step #1: Get more into your movies. George Lucas's guide to refining your directing skills. Step #1: Get more into your movies. Stop looking at me swine!!!!!! "Dark side. Light side. Who cares? I'm friggin' hot." Ok Maul...Go there and start flail you'r saber!!! Will someone PLEASE move that cardboard Darth Maul cut-out, it's in the way. One of these things is notlike the others... I'll tell you which one doesn't belong! It's the gut second from the right. HE'S GOT NOTHING ON HIS HEAD!!! At last we will releal ourselves to the teamsters union. At last we will have revenge... what in the hell are you looking at me, Mr. camera man. Ray Park:"Do these robes make me look fat? How's my makeup? Can you still tell it's me? George? Geoooorge?!?!?! What's my motivation? Oh, I don't know if I can work under these conditions!" hm.... IN WHAT THE HELL WORLD ARE WE LIVING!!! hey Maul... you really look hot hahahah got it? SOOOOOOOOOOONG He he i always carry mi double saber he he Darth Maul: "I've replaced the coffee beans these hard-working crew people normally enjoy with Folger's Crystals. Let's see what they think." Dude with the shades: "So what did you think about (cont'd (cont'd from last caption) the coffee?" Dude in khaki pants: "It sucks." One more time. Why am I wearing all black in the MIDDLE OF THE DESERT? George Lucas: "What the hell is Cher doing on my set....ohhhh...it's just Darth Money...Maul.....carry on!" "Stupid camera crew gives me red paint instead of sunsreen." YOUR MUM ! Black is in, they said. Black is in. "that man behind me in the white is an ASS**LE...." " GOD IT HOT IN HERE !!" George Lucas: A real Dark Lord before his morning coffee. Got Milk ? "Who did you expect ? - Yoda" Day 3 Behind The Scenes With Ray Park... Ray: "I came up with a new move for the fight scene with Liam. Let's see how... Joe here likes it first." What are you looking at? Havn't you ever seen a dark lord of the sith? Maul: Just what in the hell are you lookin' at? You're about to get a double-bladed saber enema! This 'persuasion' force power is good, very good. where's my bagel Maul: If this guy ever says 'Use the Force' again... Bang! Zoom! Right in the kisser! Eyeing the camera man suspisciously, Darth Maul suddenly realizes his lightsaber is missing. Not wanting to incourage Lucas' wrath, Maul pulls out his new "invisible" saber. Me on the dark side?!? I dont have to listen to these wild allegations this interview is over!! Darth Maul: Bah! I should've postponed the documentary of myself when I wasn't so busy. "And this, children, will be your fate... if you don't wear SUNSCREEN!" Oh, I see... It's bake the Sith Lord day, isn't it... Ha ha, very funny guys, get me out of this costume.... Hey, you! With the camera! Yeah, just because I'm not Vader doesn't mean I can't do the little strangly thingy. You wanna see? (crunch) And I didn't even stain my new Gucci gloves... Tanglefoot Tanglefoot Tanglefoot THAT was Mr. Lucas?? Oh man, is my face red... Ebenezer Scrooge.. --sorry. I don't know, Mr. Lucas, are you sure I can't wear somthing in tan with short sleeves? OOH! Ow! Sunburn! Ow! "I told you to ask for directions at Dantooine!" Whoa George! That fart was a stinker! MEOOOWWWW!!!! After days of bickering the darkjedi decides to solve the problem the old fashioned way: walk ten paces turn and throw sabers. After days of bickering the dark jedi decides to solve the problem the old fashioned way: walk ten paces turn and throw sabers. God I gotta piss My salary is not enough. At last I will have revenage. "What, you actually thought this was makeup?" I'm telling you I need to find a tree,Darth burger bad. Is it hot out here, or is it just me? "I told you..... NO pictures until I've got my makeup on!" I knew I should have put on some sun screen.... I hope the guy in the white shorts likes the bikini I have on under this robe. If I walk slowly and don't make any sudden moves, maybe no one will notice me. Maul: Boy! These guys sure dress funny! Darth Maul you are the newest and coolest character of the new SW movie. This will be a part of cinema history what are you going to do now? Maul, "I'm going to Disneyland I shoud probably get into costume before they start filming In order to keep the crew from leaking secrets, Lucasfilm employs several Sith Lords to keep them in line. MAAAAKKKE-UP!!!!! And then, they both pulled out their lightsabres!! Buts i was quick and i went whooomm!!!!!! just like this!!!! and then..... Neil Jeffries No Ewan I won't swap the double bladed lightsabre with yours. Why should you have it i'm the martial arts expert. You're a Scottish druggy "George: I am your father!!!" Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! And continuing our tour, in this direction you can see our wild specimen known as the "Lucasian Director"... Even Darth Maul, Dark Lord of the Sith, was cowed by the commanding presence of Herb, Paunchy White Boy of the Sith. Even Darth Maul, Dark Lord of the Sith, was cowed by the commanding presence of Herb, Paunchy White Boy of the Sith. Why the hell are we out in the desert again?? " and if you buy a Sith robe now, you get these wonderful maniquens for free! But hurry, this is a once in a life time offer, act now by calling 1-100- Sith- wannabe! Darth Maul posing for Episode I figurine Quick, get me someone from Make-up. I think my face is getting a little sun-burnt. Ray Park thinks to himself : Geez who was the Genious who came up with my costume. I mean it is all black and were here in Tunsia where it is 2000000000000 billion degrees!!!!! Maul: First they say this, then they say that, and now I'm stuck here in a BLACK suit on the hottest day of the year!!! I never should have tried out! (*#&)$(!*& "Bwahahaha... Lucas is dead, and I am DIRECTOR. Where to start... Oh yes, Anakin dies at the end, now." You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me?? Well you must be, because I'm the only Lord of the Sith here. My grandmother made me this costume! Ray Park showing a look of discontent after discovering how impractical a black robe is in the desert. Excuse me mister bouncer sir, do you think I dress like this for fun?? No, of course I'm not hot, I'm perfectly fine, I'm an all powerful sith lord you know, this desert heat is no matter..... See? They painted my whole face tattoo with sunscreen!! Ray Parks discovers the macarena and inadvertently delays filming Who says Sith Lords can't wear shorts?? Wanna be like George, duh duh duh duh duuuuuuh Hehe.. I have electricity like palpy... hehe.. you just can't see it yet!! They haven't digitized it in yet... watch me zap Rick McCallum... hehe.... "I'm not talking to you." "Did somebody say something? I didn't hear anything." "LA LA LA LA, I'M NOT LISTENING." To save money and time, Ray Parks convinced the crew to shoot his scenes on the construction site across the street from his house. Why can't Darth Maul wear a coool plaid shirt like Georgie?? Pleeease? This is CNN. See? All cameras point to me. Me me me. I love the camera. The camera loves me. Wanna see my cool horns?? Darth Maul, seen here with the "Dark Lounge Lizards of the Sith" BOO! I told you, I didn't kill the Jedi. See, the glove doesn't fit! Hey!!! Can somebody get the aloe? Ray's come down with that bad sunburn again. The sunburn became a little too much for poor Darth Maul. I use Mary Kay face cream and see where it got me. Trust me on that sunscreen thing. Darth Maul walks away from the man in the white shirt in fright when he realizes that that guy's face is scarier than his. And you shall.....oh crap! My horns fell off! Makeup! Now Darthy Baby, can we do that one more time luvvie? And this time with ....FEELING....Arrrgh..cough..choke...etc Darth Maul and his posse chillin' on Tattooine If R2 steals my scene again, I'm gonna choke him! No I don't want to "Smile at the camera!"!!!! "Darth, Darth, CBS network. Can we ask you a few questions ?" Darth: "Can't a guy kill somebody without the press jumping on him?" "Obi Wan Kenobi? Why dont you want my autograph? Im a nice guy too!" Using Jedi mind tricks, Darth Maul makes off the script to Star Wars Episode II. "Spoil the plot...all of it." Black in this heat is murder. I must get me a pair of the shorts. This is not the director you are looking for. Hey, wait a minute; is this "The Phantom Menace" or are we filming "Justice of the Bedouin"? You think this is fun, you should try working in 100 degree-weather for eight hours straight wearing a thick black cloak and half a pound of makeup. You know, I'm not wearing anything under that. Hot enough for ya? Look! I do the Macarena! I am Satan, And I come for your souls!! HaHaHaHA! Like Maria Carey, I prefer my right side. you talking to me? are "you" talking to "me"? Will somebody get this man a bottle of water, I think he's having some sort of fit.... If we do ONE more retake I am gonna'whip my lightsabre out on you! With the majority of Episode 1's budget blown on Darth Maul's face paint, fans may find something lacking in the other costumes used in the film. If you call me Bialsabub one more time.... "Whadaya mean MST3K is getting canceled?" Guy in black: Dude! That guy has the worst case of acne I've ever seen! Maul: It's not acne! All it is is the result of trying out my neato lightsaber for the first time... the chicken pox are totaly different for the sith The idea for the Darth Maul character actually came from the original Make-Up Consultant on the set of "The Jedi" who at the time was into Iron Maiden... "Ok, we're ready to shoot the commercial. " (pause) "Uh, Maul, the Pepsi can is upside down." "Uh, security, a weird guy dressed in black just killed George." Darth Maul, angered at being forced to wear black in the desert, prepares an assault on the sensibly-dressed guy. Leave me alone! I am on my Jedi union break. hmmmm....black DOES reflect my good looks! "Oh GOD! Where is that Glad air freshener! Gees! Can't you people hold it in! Take 5." Darth Maul on a planet where people worship the god George Lucas Wot do you mean they'll dub my voice? Ain't nuffin' wrong wif my voice! Hi, I'm Darth Maul, and when I'm not cutting down Light Jedi, I drink Ovaltine! Darth Maul caught behind the scenes dancing to 'Mr. Roboto' They're GRRRRRRRREAT!! 'Let me get this strait. We're in the desert, I'm gonna be doing some strenuous Jedi moves, and I'm wearing a heavy, black cloak?!?!' That's Bob Fett? Kinda small ain't he? Only at Skywalker Ranch... Guy On Right: It was funny the first time, George, but now it's starting to get just plain creepy. The true face of George Lucas Boy, this dry desert climate is murder on my skin. Maul: Out of my way!! Move!! Out of my way!!! Bahhh!!! Foolish mortals. Young hopefulls stand by as they await their first day in Dark Jedi boot camp. Maul: "I am Gunnery Sergant Maul, your senior drill instructor. From now on you will speak only when spoken to, Whoever said this was a damn costume party is dead, you hear me!! Uh..Mr. Lucas...I don't need THIS much zinc oxide on my nose do I? Ha ha ha! Black reflects heat huh? I'm sweating my a** off here! My master has a first name its D-A-R-T-H, my master has a second name its S-I-D-I-O-U-S. Oh I wish I were a dark lord of Sith, that is what I'd really like to be, and if I were a dark lord of sith everyone would be killed by me Maul always enjoyed getting his face painted by the clowns at his friend's birthday parties... "99 friggen degrees out here and I am the only shmuck wearing black. Waterboy! Get your butt over here!" "Can I get a jacket here! I'm freezing!!" "Four hours in make-up.... Long dark robes in the desert..... I swear, as soon as I get my lightsaber back there'll be hell to pay!!" "I'm not a Dark Lord of the Sith, but I play one on T.V. and I work up a powerful thirst..." Sunblock anyone? Ray:"That's it! I'll quit if you don't let me win the next lightsaber duel!" George:"Fine. We didn't need you anyway. You should not underestimate the power of the ILM!" "My sunblock cream's not working is it? " "The assistent director dead? Choked to death? It wasn?t me. Move along..." "At last we will reveal ourselves to George Lucas. At last we will have revenge" "...and then that idiot Lucas says that I didn't twirl enough for...he's right behind me, isn't he?..." hey I wanted this coffee black, no cream!!!man can't you people do anything right? I'll be in my trailer!! (whistle) Here boy! ..fetch me my paper.. ..that's a good doggie! MAUL: (rapping) "hey everybody, do you know me, I hate the Jedi, cuz I'm the sith..." Park: WORMSIGN! Crewmember: No, that's just Ewan bombing around in a hummer. Park: And that's less dangerous? Crew: WORMSIGN! Ray Park: Ah, Muadibe! Lucas: Ray, you make one more joke, quote or obscure reference to Dune and you're out of the movie! Jet Li will make just as good a dark jedi. dop de doop sitting on a stick Darth Maul, your local "People Person" You'd think the Dark Lords of the Sith could have come up with a summer uniform ... but Nooo! "Oh, God, George and Maul are ticked off at each other again. Probably won't speak to each other for two days." Help! I'm melting! Who'd believe a little boy like you could destroy all my beautiful wickedness?!?! Yeah, my light saber's about so big ... got a problem with that? "...And on your right is our fine 2nd unit camera crew ... wave to the nice lady, boys!" Sean Penn, in his short-lived tenure as Lucas' first choice for Darth Maul, eyes the cameraman just before punching him right in the nose. "All right, guys, I was told this was a costume party, not a barbeque..." (whispers) "Hehehe how long till they notice I just palmed that camera lens? hehehe" Its god damn hot out here Not going anywhere for a while? Grab a Snikers! "I sware that the invitation said formal" Dark Jedi quoted as he entered the premire of the new Star Wars film If, I stand perfectly still no one will notice me. "Hey, anyone. Does my butt look big in this robe?" DM: I am the Batman. GL: No, your Darth Maul. DM:NO! I Am The Batman! Nobody wants to talk with me..Damn BO! "We're in the middle of the freakin' desert, and they make me wear BLACK. I ain't getting paid enough." Darth Maul: (Now all I gotta do is steal all the suntan lotion, and I can force them to make me the star!! MWAHAHAHA!!!!) "Power converter, my foot. That's no power converter, I know a movie camera when I see one. I'm sick of this bait-and-switch stuff. They'll all pay now." (One, two, one two three four) Gimme a break, gimme a break... It seems that I'm the only idiot who forgot his sun block. If you ask me if it's hot enough for me ONE MORE TIME I will give you a new definiton of pain and suffering!!!!! "So what's my motivation in this scene." I told you to get my good side, damnit "I asked my agent for a job someplace warm NOT 140F" What the ??? Get that camera out of here! I can't let you ruin my image! How the hell did I get here? One minute I'm talking to Darth Sidious, then I'm standing next to some white guys in the desert. I told you to get that camera out of my face! Now scat before I use my pretty flashlight on you! 75 bucks for a makeover and these guys STILL look better than me! "One of these things is not like the others" Uh Lucas Who the hell is this???? Is it true that the camera is going to add twenty pounds? I don't want to look fat Darth Maul accidentally wanders onto the set of the latest Banana Republic catalog shoot. Talk about sun burn. I CAN'T PUT MY ARMS DOWN!!! Look lucas thia ploleyester frabic is just to much for my delicate skin. It doesn't go with my eyes either. Is this decaffe or original blend. Mark Hamill without stage makeup. look i told you now already sheesh!!! Welcome to Gucci Dark Jedi fashion show. Todays first model is Darth Maul modeling the sleek new black robe. Up next is Darth Sidious modeling the spring dark robe! Dark Jedi's have the fashion. Darth Maul: Bad Ass Darth Maul: Bad Ass I'm the only one who feels just a tad outta place here? I know, I know, I should have listened to that Sunscreen Song. No filming today?! Four hours of makeup for Nothing!! It's tough being a Sith Lord... when there are only ever two. Dancing with "invsible" women is not at all uncommon You talking to Me?!? *In a strong New York accent* You talkin' ta me? You talkin' ta me?! What are you looking at? Even us Dark Lords of the Sith gotta work, man... "Screw the force......this is what Im talking about...." Darth Maul: "I've told you for the last time, I like my coffee with two sugars! That's it I can't work like this." What are you looking at, never seen a Dark Figure in the desert before. "Where's the F##king funeral !?! "Please don't let the public see my face. I'm hideous!!!!!!" "Today isn't Halloween? And it took me five hours to put on this make-up!!" Oh yeah, black robes, heavie makeup, Tunisian desert. Thanks, George! As the new imperial troops stand around talking about when they're going to Starbucks coffee, Darth Maul realizes the Empire will never win! Why don't I get sunglasses like Keanu Reeves did for The Matrix?? This IS the Tunisian desert we're talking about here.... VeNTiLaTION!!! *GAASP* I NEED AIR DAMMIT!!! *THUMP* Mithter Lucath pleeeeathe, I gottaaaa go baaaaad John was the only one of his friends who wanted to dress up like a Star Wars character to see the new movie. Look at me again, and that'll be twice. Shhhh! Don't tell George I'm headed out to the 7-11 to buy a Slurpee! "And you thought being evil was easy!" Hey, man. I mean, PREPARE TO DIE, JEDI SLIME! "My lightspeed coordinates must have been off because I seem to have landed on a movie set." Cameraman: "Smile, Mr. Maul!" Maul: "Drat! If my arthritis wasn't acting up you'd be in 70 pieces in 7 seconds!" Hi. I'm Darth Maul. I'd like to take a moment out of my busy shooting schedule to tell you about the important work of The Peace Corps. . . . Producer at left: Do you think he'll do good in the film? Producer right next to the producer at left: No, he'll only say this in the movie: HIP ME HIP OP! Due to overtanning as a youth, Darth Maul could not quite enjoy his trip to the beach. S&#t! It's hot out here. The tragic effects of failing to wear sunblock in the harsh desert. What're YOU lookin' at? Ain't you never seen a dude dressed all in black wit' a film crew in da middle of da desert with steaming hot...oh never mind... george i hate that scene where obi wan hugs me i felt it was nasty "Always remember to use sunblock in this heat. I forgot and look at me. That was after only one day!" Last time I saw contact lenses this cool was in Michael Jackson's Thriller video, now if I could just get me one of those awesome white gloves! "all right...where's George at???" What no buttered scones! Maul: Hey Mike. I really nedd your honest opinion. Mike the camera guy: Sure what is it? Maul: Well do you think this costume makes me look fat? Maul: "You there, grip boy! Get me coffee!" Grip:"No" Maul:"But you WANT to get me coffee" Grip:"I said n... yes, get coffee, must get master coffee..." Lucas:"Maul! Stop messing with my grips!" Darth Maul to man in white hat: You know where I can find some cat food? Suddenly it hit him like a brick in the face. He was nothing more than an actor with red and black face paint... Where's the camera again? While always a valuable source of information, the Sith consultant for Episode I always had a problem blending in with the rest of the cast... While always a valuable source of information, the Sith consultant for Episode I always had a problem blending in with the rest of the crew... -Please locate the Sith Appreentice in this picture. What are you lookin' at? Haven't you ever seen a black-robed, tattoo-faced, horned Sith knight in the middle of the desert before? Hey! did you see me in the Exorcist? hey man whatcha lookin at Guy in shirt: "Hey! get this guy some suntan... he's got a REALLY BAD sunburn! Guy in T-Shirt: "Hey! Get this guy a Gatorade... I think the heat is getting to him!" Is this the set for Michael Jackson's "Thriller" Video shoot??? Guy in T-shirt: "Hey! get this cardboard cut-out out of here! It's freaking me out!" Guy in t-shirt: "Get this overgrown Jawa out of here!" I'm ready for my close-up Mr. Lucas... Guy in t-shirt: "OK mr. Maul, I DON'T Want to see your "sword" again... If you flash me once more, I'm gonna have to call securuty!" "Sometimes...sometimes, I just want to be held...*sigh* nobody understands me." "Hey guys, dig me, I'm See Threepio -- 'I'm a big sissy who was built by a kid, blah blah blaaaaah' -- hey, c'mon, turn around!" Where's Waldo? Cut! Cut! Cut! You got to STOP looking at the camera RAY! After the victory of the Empire, Darth Maul stopped shaving, and took hire as a Wookie co-pilot on a sice-smuggler, to infiltrate the rebellion. "Are you lookin at me, Are you lookin at me. There's nobody else............no wait.................ah crap!! What is thy bidding........My DIRECTOR?? George Lucas: "O.K., who stole the sunblock!" Ok, who left the banana skin next to the barbeque? George you are going to pay for this!! Director:"Ready for this scene Maul?" Maul:"Not yet i have to call one phone before for Sidious" Get the doc, Darth Maul got some really bad sunburn. Photo of Darth Maul sneaking onto "The Gap" catalog shoot. you would?nt be so happy yourselves if you had to wear black in this damn desert This Heat is really getting to me I think a mirage of the Titanic over in the horizon!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU LOOKINg AT? 'Where's my Dark Coffee' And when night falls, I'll go and hunt all the damned crew down for putting this hood on my head. It's very hot inside and nobody saw my magnificient horns. It's a shame, but I'll take revenge. At last I will reveal myself to Lucas, at last I will have revenge. Verdammt! It is hot in here! "Heyyy, Macerana!" I may speak small (like a whimpy James Bond), but I carry a BIG stick!!!! What?!? I got all this makeup on and I'm not even on camera today?!? Hey! camera man who you lookin at? Is there something on my face? Tell me or I'll put the sith down. No, For the last stinkin time the horns don't come of. O.K.!!! Some people are such idiots. Well, should I ask him about a face lift? Camera man: Now, Darth, you can have your lollipop back as soon as you finish this scene." Maul: But I want it NOW!" Hey man your right. They do do a crappy job on the makeup. HEY! Who's seen the guy with the painted face and evil demeanor? He owes me $50 bucks!!!! Guy in sunglasses: The guy in the cloak is back, call security. I, Darth Maul, am master of disguise! See, now I am Gothic Obi-Wan! ...after "Revealing" himself to the Jedi, Darth Maul is sentenced to work in a labor camp in the desert I should have used Preparation H. Join us children, it's bliss!!! What? Is something on my face? "UUHh...Is my microphone working?" i suck big emily tit And here we see beautiful Maul dounged in stunning black... oh... but WHO THIS? It's Pauncho from the bleached collection. Go pauncho! The Devil Went Down to.... Tatooine? Certainly doesn't look like Georgia! Ooh baby is it hot out here!!!...or is it just me? Are you sure you are supposed to film my BACK? Guy on right-"Beep, beep. Vroom!" Guy in back-"Hey look at the weirdo. He doesn't know we're filming this." look good dont i? (Ray Park RULES!) You got some kind of problem?...PUNK?!! Guy on right-"Beep, beep. Vroom!" Guy in back-"Hey look at the weirdo. He doesn't know we're filming this." At last I will have the bottled water I ordered Is it just me or is it a little hot around here? (Sideous) Does my make-up look okay? (stagehand) It looks fine! (Sideous) You sure that the desert heat isn't wrinkling my face? (stagehand) For the 94th time, NO! Maul- What is the meaning of this? What manner of creatures are you!?! Lucas- Uh.... we're not filming. Maul-......oh.... sorry..... Hey, are you my mommy? Maul- Um... do you know where the restroom is? Lucas- Just go anywhere. Maul- Anywhere? But there are girls around! Maul- Fools! I am the master here! (Lucas walks in) Maul- Oh, Master! Please forgive your servant! The "Grim Reaper" Searches for his prey, unnoticed. wheres my drink? someone get me a drink im dyin over here Guys on the right: "Hey, who does the guy in the black cape think he is? Darth Maul or something? Of all the nerve." waht did u say bout my momma? are you rubbing your light saber are you happy to see me May the timeless burnt hotdog be with u. master of the sith Grrrrrr! Great Stith! Where is the heck bathroom! darth:join the dark side Luke: can i have cosmic pizza Darth :shure Luke: one other thing i need to go to the bathroom where is it in this place Darth:take a left at my room .in the bathroom:ahhhh Great Stith! Where is the heck bathroom! "You mean I have to try and look menacing in Khakis? Where's Lucas? This isn't in my contract.." CAN SOMEBODY HELP ME HOLD IT? Why yes, I am horney, how could you tell? Time for my close up Mr. DeMille ! AH! Don't look, I'll break the camera! So who's underwear AM I wearing? Cant a villian get a glass of water Of this fab four, it is obvious which is the walrus. Yoda Darth Maul: Hey Rick, I hate to tell ya this, but I think Jake ran off with my lightsaber again. You talkin' to me?! How come they never tell me when it's gonna be a casual day? my god i am going to have to kill the camera man Make another "Darth Bozo the clown" crack, I'll live up to my name. I spend all day out in the desert, riskin' my life tryin' to catch that little brat, and when I get back to the sith Darth Sidious doesn't even have the courtesy to have dinner ready. Kiss my horn! As a teenager Maul was never really accepted in the lighter, brighter "in" crowd, and was often left standing alone on class feild trips. alright i told you to put the pot-a-potties down wind of the set Gene Simmons' little brother. (Lucas and his wife): That's it George I don't think I can be with you anymore, you're just too uncompassionate. George: What? Sorry,I was looking over there at that hot naked ewok. Nyub Nyub! ''GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR'' Darth Maul stalks Lucas skywalker Boy, his kulats sure look a lot more comfortable than my full length prom dress... maybe next year... "Prowse, you can bite me." ARE YOU SURE THIS PAYS MINIMUM WAGES ? COULD SOMEONE PLEASE TURN DOWN THE AC ? i SHOULD'VE HAD A V-8! Spaceballs? Oh shit, there goes the planet. sorry,...I seemed to have slept on the barbecue again the prince of darkness rules Hey, my eyes really ARE yellow! Hey, George, come get a look at THIS! Come on guys. I've stood here in freeze frame long enough. Let's get this show on the road, or else we're gonna miss the opening day. We all have first dibs on tickets, REMEMBER. *frrrrrppp *squeeky voice* At last we will reveal oursel....sorry *bloke in background* Don't tell him but he's gonna die halfway through the film oh my god they killed Qui-Gon-jiin , you b*****ds!! Ray Park: "The REAL Darth Maul wouldn't wear a lame black costume like this!" One of the guys in white: "The REAL Darth Maul?! Buddy, I think you've been playing this part too long. Do what the song says and wear sunscreen, or you'll turn from the normal left guy to the freaky black guy after being in the desert. "It don't matter if you're (in) black or white.." ah, hee, hee, hee! George Lucas found a "new way to motivate" his crew. Can somebody PLEAASE get me an iced cappuchino... These robes are ghastly! if i keep my arms like this long and concentrate maybe i can use my jedi powers to keep cool, why O' why does the bad guys always have to wear black? if i keep my arms like this long and concentrate maybe i can use my jedi powers to keep cool, why O' why does the bad guys always have to wear black? Now who put tiger face here? I've completed my mission; one to beam up! Hey! What do you think you're looking at? ...I've got a very sensitive skin... "What are you looking at?" "Hello from Fire Island!" "With all our great technology, you'd think we'd have some x-lax" What're you looking at? I ALWAYS have a double-express-cocoa-latte-mochachino before I kick whiny Jedi butt! Hey! This is a Frappucchino! I ordered a latte! A LATTE!! Okay George, explain to me again why I'm wearing four layers of black in 300 degree heat? I mean, couldn't I still be menacing in some bermuda shorts? What are you looking at? Huh? What the h*** are you looking at? The fourth day of Darth Maul's standing in line for Episode 1 tickets. Badly sunburned, Mark Hamill is forced to wear a black robe to prevent further skin damage. The last photo taken by a nosy Papparazi just before Darth Maul opened up a can of 'Whup-ass'. "Would somebody get this mannequin off the set and get Ray from his trailer! Damn lazy Jedi." "Don't even......" "Damn I'm good." What'r YOU looking at?? If I can't be in Episode II, I will wreak vengeance in "The English Patient II"!!! While they reload the stupid camera I have to stand here and make sure my makeup doesn't run. "Ya, sure it's hot out here in this, but at least it's a dry heat". "I know this looks unusual, but I cover up at the beach too". "I know I'm suppose to be playing an evil guy and stuff.....but why do I have wear this Black robe in the desert during a break?" "Hehehe, I bet I'll be the only one in the neighborhood with this costume for Halloween!" ICU2 hey Maul... you really look hot hahahah got it? SUUUUOOOOOOOOOOONG He he i always carry mi double saber he he And you can get yours in TOYS ARE US by only 999.99!!!! "This has to be the strangest planet yet." ........maul - " i hate these clothes, look what he gets to wear " " damn cameras always starring at me !! " MAUL:That was my best performance ever! I'll never be able to be that good again! CAMERAMAN:Uh, Maul? The camera was pointed THAT way. If they had told me we'd shoot in the desert I wouldn't have worn black... "Ew Yoda, a little to the left, ah! That's the spot!" I'll be back..... Get rid of me will he? Thats the last mistake he'll ever make! I'll be back...... DarthMal:Aren't I so beautiful! Camera Man:No I NEVER get a good part! I'm always being outshined! Good always wins! Hay George, does he really have to kill me? Can't evil win just ONCE? I NEVER get a good part! I'm always being outshined! Good always wins! Hay George, does he really have to kill me? Can't evil win just ONCE? I told them they could do my makeup but I never expected this George: Your finished, Washed up! You'll never work in this town again! Maul mumbling to himself: I just can't beleave that man! That's the last mistake he'll ever make! YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS LUCAS!! Oi! Did You Spill My Pint AM I THE ONLY ONE YOU TOLD TO TURN UP IN FANCY DRESS? I knew I should've worn sun block, damnit "You talkin' to me?..." At last we will reveal ourselves to the fans. Watch as I run up behind McCallum and yank his shorts off!! Thats how small I squashed Yoda Don't talk to me until I've had my second cup of coffee. harry larry and moe give some funny actions because this is not going to be the drama of the year A paparazi learns the hard way, to never sneak up on a Lord of the Sith, when after popping off this shot his heart stops and his blood coagulates in his ears. The makeup was so frightening, no one would tell Ray that he had toilet paper stuck to his shoe. Emperor: "and now.......for my Michael Jackson impression...." Ironicly enough, Darth Maul took his coffee very black. To get the genial and otherwise good spirited Ray Park into character, the crew would play cruel jokes , like peeing in his coffee. "Oh, God, not more reporters. I already told the other ones that I was camera shy!" Ok! who put the sand in my coffee?...Maul! Get BACK HERE! Hey George! Watch this! I'll hit the guy behind me so fast, that he'll think that it was Rick again! "Of all the things that could have been blown away in the storm last night, why the donut truck? Why? "At last I can expose myself to the sun's rays. At last I can get a tan." I thought I told u low blush! Dammit you're fired!! Whoa, that villager gave me one heck of a brownie. So nice of him..... such pretty colors... No, I'm sorry, I'm not the guy from CATS...If you don't stop bothering me, i'll have you arrested and taken off these premises. "Diet Coke?!? I won't stand for this! I played Hamlet at Cambridge!!!" Am I the only guy who didn't get sunscreen? "Even Dark Lords of the Sith hafta drink ya know" nobody knows i'm nude under this, it makes me feel sexy It's 150 degrees out and I'm wearing black! George will pay, at last I'll have revenge! SECURITY......I hate when thes fans try to sneak onto the set and believe they will just BLEND in. And here we have the last thing the photographer who took this picture ever saw... George calls the look a cross between sister act and The Michel Jackson Thriller video. Now, look here kid... Not good enough am I? Through me out will he? If he thinks he can get away with that, boy does he have another thing coming! Not good enough am I? Through me out will he? If he thinks he can get away with that, boy does he have another thing coming! Maul(upset): What did I do wrong? All I did was cut off that reporter's arm, and George takes my Double-edged lightsaber away! Worst of all he gives it to that long-haired Jedi, and I'm out of a job! Maul(upset): What did I do wrong? All I did was cut off that reporter's arm, and George takes my Double-edged lightsaber away! Can you blame me? he asked me to tell the whole plot for a magizine! It's hot and I'm wearing all black. No kidding I lost my mind and want to erase all Jedis. Heat does that to your brain, you know. I'll get you Lucas, and you're little Ewok too..... I'll get you Lucas, and you're little dog too..... bou I think i am in the wrong place, everyone else here looks normal. Hey guys anyone got any moisturizer What The Fuck Is Going On Here An this was the last time ANYONE ever wore black in the hot hot sun. Espceally Sith lords. Dath Maul(Cobbler) : Don't EVEN remind me. ...hm...... YOU looking at me?!! Maul: "Can you hurry UP! Qui-gon and Obi-Wan will be here any minute!" you guys are aware that we're in africa right...WHY THE HELL DO YOU HAVE ME WEARING ALL BLACK IT'S FOUR HUNDRED *UCKING DEGREES OUT HERE!!! do we have to start shooting now, I was going into Toschi Station to pick up some power converters Here we see Felix and Oscar... Smile! You'er on Candid Camera! "Your son named Jar-Jar? Pathetic...oh wait, Maul isn't any better either. Who named me...your daughter?" George: Bye Ray...we're going to the Maul. Get it, ha ha." Maul: (under his breath) Shut up you son of a..." "What's My Motivation!!" Maul thinks, "I definately took to the wrong turn at Clakdor VII." Hey Baby...Wanna see my lightsabre? Here, lemme get it out for you... Hey...I thought this was the Friends of Leprost party.....well, guess not. Is that my good side?...Do I really look that good in black? What are you looking at? Even a Sith Lord needs a posse "You talkin' to me?" Don't tell me what my motivation is. I just spent an hour and a half having horns glued to my head! Rick Mcallum and Ray Park model two possible costumes for the "Darth Maul" character. theres a human standing where? "Wow. Is it me or is the coffee a little strong today? I felt like I had horns growing from my head." "Um...Mr. Lucas.....You just morphed into Darth Maul." "I... WHAT?!" Ok, that outfit *does* look more comfy. Ok, people, we've replaced the Darh-bacca with Darth... uhm... Maul. Who heard of a Dark Jedi Wookie anyway... Ok, let's shoot this thing and go home! HEY! What are you looking at chump???? You dare look at me like that?! Why, if this double-bladed lightsaber were real.. Good god, who had the brilliant idea of dressing me up in black for a shoot in the middle of the DESERT? You think this is MAKEUP? At least Vader had Climatized Air in his suit! What the hell are all these ignorant Americans doing in the desert with all their toys? Maul: Mark, if you don't leave the set I'm going to have to kick your ass. DAMMIT, OK stop the tape. I forgot my saber and I'm supposed to be chopping this little kid up. I have a vvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeerrryyyyyyyy baaaaaad feeling about this!!!! "That's no moon, it is a large, very technologically enhanced piece of machinery that was not supposed to be made by that lady that we finally found and turned her over to the right side by her will. Amateurs! Darth Maul, master of camoflague... "Kareeem, Abu Dahbi!!!!!" Where's my donuts? get that camera outta here!!! i need to put on my makeup!!! What's the matter with YOU? Never seen a grown man with face make-up before? take that #@$%ing thing outta here before I shove it up your nose!! Backstage at the 5th Annual George Lucas Fashion Show. Is that TOM CRUISE, lets mod him Girl!!!! "Join the Dark Side tennis club, he said...you'll fit right in, he said...sheesh..." Are you looking at me?! (Darth Maul) Oh oh... I gotta pee. Scream 4 here I come!!!! Damn!! This Sun protector thingie is not working properly!!! I thought you said we were going to be shooting "the scene from HELL" not "it's gonna be hot as HELL" "Sunscreen? Moisturizer? Anybody?!" I don't care - I'm not going to wear that sunscreen ! When did they let Gilligan on the set? Ladies and gentlemen: Cher What ya looking at !!?? What ya looking at !!?? Tattoo magazine-- Issue 43, Volume 2 Damn it's hot in this bitch! "Kids, this is what a lifetime in the Tunisian sun without sunblock can do... remember: Slip, Slop, Slap!" crewman: (sniff, sniff). Good God what is that STENCH!! Darth Maul: Giggle. Oh I just L O V E wearing black in the desert But i AM the real emperor! hmmm...I sense something...something I have not felt in a long time...Cheeseburgers?? "Jedi? Revenge? Sith?, listen, bro, we're trying to shoot a movie so hop back on your little magic bike and go back to wherever you came from. Oh, and wash your face, you look like a Prodigy reject. Darth Maul inconspicuously sneaks back from the catering service area after filling his cloak pockets with a myriad of sugary treats. Ray Park: I'm sick of this hot, dry weather...I think I'll go to Denver! Ya see, I told u guys if I didn't have my sunscreen I'd fry like and egg, dammit!! "This is diet?" "Hey! What do you think you're doing with that camera?" "Hey! What do you think you're doing with that camera?" "I heard you've been talkin bout me Lucas, well are ya Lucas, HUH HUH!!! i can rise my d**k with the force want to see Does the camera make me look fatter? "Damn that cheap tanning bed !" "Guys, are you sure this is Denver?" Tell me the truth: Does this dress make me look fat? Yes, but i don't wear underwear. Does anyone have any cold beer?! Even a Sith Lord gets thirsty! Lets all run to the nearest city naked screaming, "help the Emperor stole my clothes & tried to kill me." wipe them out......all of them Whatcha lookin at? okay!..cut!..cut!..where's my saber huh?..give me my saber!! "I only use makeup from Cover Girl....." *singing* "Easy, breezy, beautiful cover Girl" "I don't smile in front of cameras" "No, THIS is my best side..." "Does this make my butt look fat?" Hey look it's that little snot nosed brat Jake. Maybe if I squeezed here a lit. . . YES! Got Him! "I swear, if I hear one more sunburn joke I WILL cut somebody up." "Of course I'm not worried about heat stroke. After all, I AM a Sith lord." "Oh hell, he's losin' it again. WATER!!!!" I?m the ultimate Man in Black! (Darth Maul) Hmm... Now where did I put my copy of "War and Peace" Maul: Am I just imaginating things, or is that a com-padge on that fellow befind me? Maul: Little do they know, that I?m Elvis re-born! (Darth Maul wanders helplessly around the set.) Dang it! Where did I park my ship? Maul: I am Death... well I got a black cloak don?t I? Maul: I sence something, something I haven?t senced since... Maul: Man, I wish that "Weird Al" Yancovick composes this movie?s music! Is it just me, or am I over-dressed? Maul: Hehe... not only do I appear on the SW episodes 1-3, I allso appear on the Simpson Halloween Special! Bwahhaahaa! Uh-oh... (stops mid-stride) I think my make-up is melting off... Maul: If I try really hard I can see my center horn! Evil farts smell better (Guy in the blue hat) Who the hell is that? ...Oh... It is?! I HAVE to ask him for his autograph! Hey, why don't you try swirling around a two-bladed lightsabre without cutting your hand! And this is from my trip to Tatooine. Of course, some idiot tourists got in the picture. We got into a big argument, and, long story short, I left them impaled on wooden spikes in the hot deset sun. Stop lookin at me, you idiot.... I said stop! No, you cannot see my face. No stop looking at me. Stop I say. Oh, God, just forget it. Did you see me fight Qui Gon; You See these guys, there next! "Senator Palpatine refills his Viagra prescription." All was lively on the set until those weird, scary crewmen scared off all but the most evil cast members... Darth Maul, red from sunstroke, realises why no one on Tattoine wants to be a Dark Jedi. Crew member: "You're saying they didn't apply makeup to Darth Maul yet? That must be why it smells like cooked lobster..." Everyone wonders what to do after Darth Maul applied his lightsaber to a too litteral application of the word "Cut!" (See Caption #18) "Guys? I think Darth Maul wants to go pee. Anyone can help him remove this suit?" "Helloooo ladies! You know the big Darth Maulski is the best at pleasin' ladies because my double sided saber will satisfy all night long!!!!!" And we catch the "manacing" Darth Maul the mime. "Didn't I say use the SPF 40?" "where are the good guys when you need them?" What are yous looking at? Hey Maul! Are those Bugle Boys you're wearing? Ain`t I cool!
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